“If you saw my ad on a bus stop bench you would know I was the eponymous proprietor of Morningwood Investigations, and that no job is too small.” – Morningwood
“To be honest, I had lost confidence in his ability to make food that didn’t gross me out, since the last time I had eaten one of his egg rolls I bit into a rubber band.” – Morningwood
“You didn’t go to Little Mexico to have your picture taken with the zebra-painted burro, but the more you drank the more”fucking amazing” it became, and more often than not, you went home with the inevitable souvenir snapshot of you kissing the burro on the lips and a hole in your wallet where ten bucks used to be.” – Morningwood
“He wasn’t restrained, but he wasn’t going anywhere.” – Morningwood
I imagine Kim Jong-un would approve of this t-shirt design.